A Memory
by lovelydreams98
Summary: Clary can't remember anything. Except Gold.
1. Prologue

**Hi guys. Okay, so this is my first fan fiction. Constructive criticism is welcome. No hate please!**

**Sadly, I don't own the Mortal Instruments. Cassandra Clare does. **

Gold. That's all she could remember. Bright and daring. Playful. But where was it now? The memory had vanished as quickly as it had come. She knew it would. That's how it always was.

Always.

Wondering. Waiting. Leaving her feeling so empty, as though she had lost something so precious and beautiful that she needed to have back night, for as long as she could remember, she was haunted by the golden color.

She wasn't afraid. With the light came the feeling of warmth and safety, something she hadn't felt. Not around Luke or Simon. She didn't even have the feeling around her own mother, Jocelyn.

Now, as she walked down the street, these thoughts were racing through her head. The bustling and noise coming from the city couldn't distract the redhead from her deep thoughts.

Then she was falling. She could vaguely remember hitting her foot. The ground was fast approaching and she brought her arms up on instinct to protect herself from a collision that never came.

Arms were around her. Lifting her and setting her on her feet. When she looked up, she gasped.

Gold. His eyes. His hair. His skin. Then, she remembered. It was like he was the key to everything.

And in the tiniest whisper that even he had to strain to hear, she said,

"Jace"

**Please let me know what you think. Review!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Hi again guys! I hope you guys liked the prologue. It was more of a flash forward really. Now were taking a step back to the beginning.**

**Oh and also, the song "Never Knew I Needed" By Ne-Yo inspired this story.**

Gasping, Clary sat up in her bed and looked at the clock. It read 4:30. _Damn, _she thought, _another one._ She could still see that golden color. After that encounter with that boy, Jace, a few days ago the dreams had become more frequent. Not that she even knew this guy. As soon as he let go of her, she lost all the memories she thought she had gotten back.

Still sweaty and shaking she got out of bed. She knew that going back to bed would give her another dream. "Talk about sleepless nights," she muttered.

She didn't want to tell anyone, not wanting them to worry. But that guy was just so familiar, but now she couldn't remember why.

She thought back to their encounter, when he heard her say his name. His face morphed into a look of panic and he dashed off. After a few glances back at her, he disappeared. She wondered why he just took off. _I mean it was pretty creepy that I knew his name, _she thought to herself. _I would run away too._

But under that panicked looked, she saw recognition. So he must have known her right? But she had never seen him before in her life.

Slowly, dragging her feet, she walked over to her window. That summer in New York it was dreadfully hot. The heat was oppressive and most people didn't go outside unless it was absolutely necessary. The nights however were much nicer. Most of the streets around where she lived were quiet at this time of night, but that didn't prevent the rest of the city from being awake. As usual, there was lots of hustle and bustle in the city just before dawn.

_Beep! Beep! Beep! _Startled, she nearly jumped out of her chair, instinctively reaching out toward her neck for something that wasn't there. It was such a natural gesture that she didn't even realize she did it most of the time.

With a sigh, she trudged to her alarm clock, shut it off and got dressed for school.

* * *

_Beep! Beep! Beep! _When Jocelyn heard her daughter's alarm clock, she called out "Clary, time to get ready for school!" In reply she heard, "Okay, Mom!" Sighing, she too got out of bed, dragged on paint splattered overalls and a t-shirt, and walked into the cramped kitchen of their apartment.

At exactly seven o'clock, there was a knock and Simon poked his head into the kitchen. He had grown his hair out long to hide the mark and he no longer wore glasses that had often perched on the bridge of his nose, instead telling Clary that he now preferred to wear contacts. This of course wasn't the case, but the Clave had forbidden him from revealing himself to her.

"Oh, hi Simon. Want some cereal?" Jocelyn asked him, trying to make it sound normal. "No, Ms. Fray. Thanks though," replied Simon and then in a hushed whisper, "Did it happen again last night?" "Yes, but I don't think she knows why which is good. I'm really hoping I don't have to call Magnus to strengthen the block. It's gotten worse. It happens multiple times a night now. What are we going to do?" Jocelyn asked quietly, afraid to alert her daughter. Then they heard footsteps coming down the hallway and soon enough Clary appeared at the threshold of the kitchen, looking slightly sleepy. "Morning Mom. Hey Si, did you get Mr. T's cell project done yet? I totally have some…" and Jocelyn tuned them out, returning to her previous thoughts as she made coffee.

**Please review! **


	3. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews! Here's a new chapter! I tried to make it longer than the previous ones. **

"Please remember to read pages…."

_3… 2…. 1… and… _The bell, signaling school had ended, finally rang, after another boring lecture on symbolism about the class book. Clary was exhausted, having gone to bed too late and awakened too early. Over time, this slowly brought around the exhaustion she was feeling and she couldn't wait for spring break. Tomorrow was her last day. Then she would be free. Free from projects and tests and dare she say it, homework.

Quickly, with newfound energy due to the prospect of leaving, Clary packed her bag and hurried out the door. Rounding the corner of the hallway, she ran into someone. _SMACK!_

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" cried a female voice.

"No worries. It's okay." Clary replied. When she looked up, she marveled at the dark-haired girl standing before her. _What on earth? Did she know this girl from somewhere?_

"Sorry again! I…uh…I have to go!" said the girl as she dashed off.

"Darn it. Look at this mess." muttered Clary as she look at her belonging strewn across the floor. She picked up her sketchbook first, stashing it in her backpack, along with her other belongings trying to avoid the students rushing to get to the door. Being so short, it was hard to see her when she was standing up, but it was even worse when she was on the ground, frantically trying to save her stuff from being trampled on.

"Need some help there?" asked a familiar voice. A golden hand reached down to help her gather all her belongings and help her up.

"Thanks so much!" replied Clary. As she made contact with her hand, a spark of connection rushed through her body, making her shiver. Then she looked up and met the color that haunted her at night. _Again…_

* * *

Simon, at Clary's locker, was waiting to meet her to continue the façade of normalcy. _I really hate doing this…_

_Riiiinnnnggggg! _And there was the bell. He had left class early to avoid the mobs of rushing students eager to leave their classes and move on with their afternoons. He looked to the crowd, trying to find that familiar head of red. Then he saw her rounding the corner. He felt a light tap on his shoulder and an arm brush against his. To a passerby, this touch would seem innocent, purely a mistake or slip of the hand. However, to the observant watcher, one would notice the two teens eyes locking and the brief but intimate air that surrounded them as they took each other in.

"Isabelle…" He breathed. She flashed a smile and lightly squeezed his hand as she passed by, letting him know that she had heard him. Lost in the trance that was purely Isabelle, he barely noticed that both her and Clary were on the road to collision.

Before he could warn them, it was too late. _SMACK!_ The two of them collided full force, causing Clary to topple to the ground and spill all of her belonging on the ground.

Simon, observing the scene before him, knew he was not permitted to interfere. If Clary found out he knew Isabelle, there were questions that she would ask that he simply could not answer. Nervously, he watched the exchange and prayed Isabelle wouldn't panic. He noticed her shoulders tense as she saw whom she ran into. _C'mon Isabelle…_

"Oh, I'm so sorry." He heard Isabelle say.

"No worries. It's okay." Replied clary, sounding exasperated due to her belongings spread out on the floor.

Isabelle said something else he couldn't here and dashed around the hallway. _I hope Clary doesn't suspect anything…_

When he thought things couldn't get any worse, he saw that golden head.

That guy was going to get them all the killed. The Clave had already threatened them once for getting to close to the subject.

"Don't screw it up Lightwood." He muttered under his breath. Watching him focus on the redhead frantically trying to gather her belongings, Simon hoped Jace for once would just let it be. But this was Jace we were talking about.

He watched Jace as he retrieved some of Clary's belongings that had been tossed farther than the girl's immediate surroundings. He then reached out his other hand, offering it to Clary, to help her to her feet, saying something the Simon couldn't make out

He held his breath when their hands made contact, saw the tension in Jace's muscles as he held himself away from the smaller girl. The shudder that was barely noticeable passed through her as their hands made contact. When she got to her feet, she looked up, giving a soft reply, before her eyes widened as though she was shocked and quite confused. A wrinkle in between her eyebrows formed, making it appear as though she was thinking very hard about something.

As they looked into each other's eyes, he saw the connection he was always jealous of. That spark was something the Clave thought that they could erase. But nothing could destroy that way their bodies reacted to each other, the way they shifted closer together if only to be nearer to the other. In the back of his head, he knew that eventually, the dam holding Clary's memories back would break and when it did, all hell would break lose.

_What am I going to do?_

**Please review!**_  
_


	4. Chapter 3

**Okay so here's another update! Thanks so much for the reviews!**

**I don't really have an update schedule since its spring break for me and I don't think I will ever have one just because I want to be able to produce the best writing possible and not feel the pressure of time constraints!**

**Without out further blab, I give you…. drumroll please…. Chapter 3!**

Isabelle walked through the Institute shivering. The rain had been unexpected. Just as she was walking home, the sky opened, leaving her to run home in hopes of changing into something warm. As she passed the library, she could hear soft voices talking intensely. When she poked her head around to see who it was, she was surprised to see her parents.

"Mom? Dad? What are you doing home?" asked Isabelle, curiously. She thought they were at an important series of Clave meetings in Idris.

"The Clave sent us home." Maryse replied, shooting her husband a glance as if to ask if they should tell her the whole story. "They want to know how Clary is doing and if there has been any recent interference with the block."

"So Isabelle, what can you tell us?" said Robert, sitting down just as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it. Tell your mother about it." The older man got up and began the walk out the library towards the door.

"Well, Isabelle, go on." Maryse said, firmly.

"This is probably not what you want to hear, but there's something going on. It's like she's trying to break the block now whereas before she was just confused." Isabelle replied, clearly distressed.

"How do you know? Did something happen?" Maryse questioned her daughter as though she had just walked on her carpets with mud on her boots.

"Today, at that stupid mundie school, I accidentally ran into her. When she looked up at me, her eyes flashed brighter. Didn't Magnus say that would happen if she was trying to break the block?" Isabelle said, giving her mother a worried look.

"Oh, by the Angel. Did you tell Simon this yet?" asked Maryse. When Isabelle shook her head, Maryse continued. "He should know. He has to tell Jocelyn, so that Magnus can check her block again. If the Clave found out you were withholding information, Isabelle, they would… they would…" Maryse could bear to choke out the next few words.

"But mom, what if… what if I want her to remember?" Isabelle whispered, as though walls could hear. "When I saw her today, it was so hard to…pretend! I don't want to pretend anymore! I just want my friend back mom!" cried Isabelle, boldly. "I miss her."

_I just want my friend back._

* * *

Jace paced his room, fiddling with a seraph blade. _Why couldn't I just control myself? _He thought to himself. His emotions never used to take over before her. Her. Clary. The one person who was his world.

"Damn it!" Jace yelled. "I'm such a goddamned idiot!" He felt like hitting someone. Correction: _some ones_. The Clave. They did this to him. They did this to **her**.

Jace stalked out of his room briskly, as if to get away from something foul. With angry thoughts swirling in his head, Jace reached the training room and began punching a bag hanging from the ceiling without even bothering to wrap his knuckles first.

_SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!_ "They think their so high and mighty." Jace muttered angrily. Damn Clave. Even the thought of them made bile rise in his throat. He swallowed, disgusted.

His Clary. His. She hadn't done anything to deserve this. He thought back to their meeting today in the hallway. The tightness in his chest grew. How she looked at him, so confused, her green eyes seeming to reach his very soul. He missed her. Every minute, every hour, every day for the past six months.

The Clave had insisted that everyone had to keep their distance, except Simon, since there was only so much the High Warlock of Brooklyn could block.

With alarming clarity, he still remembered the day the Clave had ordered it to be in place. Clary had looked up at him, hopeless and all he could do was crush her to his chest and pray the moment would last forever.

* * *

"Hello, this is…" said the voice through the phone.

"It's me." replied the caller, interrupting the greeting. "It's losing strength, I can tell. She keeps reaching for it almost everyday."

Insistent, the voice replied, "Then I should come over and…"

"No!" the caller interrupted again, leaving the voice to huff in annoyance. " I mean, I just, I hate doing this to her. She deserves to be happy. I'm keeping her away from everything! I'm lying to her again! Now, it's not just me I'm worried about. So many other people are involved. They should be together. You know that as well as I do. Keeping them apart was the worst idea. I am so tired of lying." cried the caller in agony. "She's my daughter. All I've ever wanted was to see her happy. This happiness is not real. This is not what I wanted for her."

"I know, Jocelyn, I know." Replied Magnus, sadly. "But you know I can't allow anything to break that block. They made me swear."

He heard soft crying through the speaker.

"As much as the boy annoys me, he needs her back. So you should know that I think the two of them are just stubborn enough to find each other." Magnus continued. "Eventually, the block is going to break and when it does, the Clave won't know what hit them."

**So the chapters are getting longer! Please review!**


	5. Chapter 4

**And here's a new chapter! I learned how to page break too! Thanks to torifashionglory!**

_It was dark. Clary groped around blindly; frantically trying to find something she had lost. Then a speck of light in the distance cut through the empty blackness. She knew that color. __**Gold.**__ It had come to save her. As she began to move towards it, tendrils of darkness wrapped around her trying to keep her in place. Tugging with all her might, she tried to continue forward, only making it a few more steps before she fell to her knees. The speck began to grow dimmer and dimmer getting farther away from her._

"_Wait!" she cried. "Help me! Please!"_

_But the speck continued until it was a tiny dot in the distance before it winked out, like a lamp that had run out of oil._

"_Save me." She whispered. "Don't leave me."_

Clary jolted upright in her bed. She was shivering despite the thin layer of sweat that had formed on her body. A fierce headache came over her, along with the sound of ringing. Clary grit her teeth and tried to get out of bed to get medicine only to fall back onto her pillow, the pain in her head getting more intense. _Okay, getting out of bed is a bad idea. Now what? Figure it out, Fray._ She thought to herself.

And then, it stopped. Like it was wiped away completely. As if it had never happened in the first place. _That was weird. How on earth?_ In the middle of her frantic thinking, she was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to draw. To create. Clary wanted to lose herself in something other than thoughts of gold.

Grabbing her sketchpad and a pencil, she began to lightly sketch, not fully knowing what she was drawing yet. _Simon, _she thought. Quickly, she outlined him on the paper, then began to fill in the details. She drew for a while, before moving to do several other rough sketches of people.

When the time came to fill in the details of the others, she could think of nothing. It was like she could see the outline but not the whole picture. Imagine looking through a fogged mirror at the people around you. You can't make out faces or distinct features but you see their outlines. That's what it looked like to Clary.

The people she saw felt familiar to her and she didn't know why. The only person she could see clearly was Simon, but that didn't make sense. How could she only see one person?

Two of the outlines were clearly male, although one was taller than the other. The outline next to Simon was female, and had long hair.

_How could you draw people you didn't know?_

_Who are these other people?_

* * *

Magnus couldn't understand why the Clave wanted to place a block in Clary's mind. After last night's conversation with Jocelyn, he couldn't help but be thinking about it the entire night.

The sun had just risen over the tops of the buildings and Magnus, still tossing and turning in his bed, sighed. He really pitied the young girl. He remembered the first time Jocelyn brought Clary to him, back before all of this madness. She was such a cute little thing with bouncy red curls and an energy that just couldn't seem to be contained.

He understood Jocelyn's feeling about lying to her daughter again. The last time Clary found out her mother kept her away from the Shadow World, Clary did not take it to well and lashed out at her mother. Now, Jocelyn was put in the situation again only by people who were supposed to want what's best for the Shadowhunters. The Clave.

The Clave was on a path of self-destruction that was for sure. They had no idea what Jace or Clary was capable of and trying to contain them in neat little bubbles would definitely prove disastrous in the end. In fact, Jace was going to just explode one of these days and then, they would really be in for it.

And when Clary remembered, which she would, eventually, the block wasn't strong enough to keep fiery redheads from remembering forever, there would be hell to pay.

_Now where did I put my glitter?_

* * *

Jocelyn had been sitting by her easel, trying to find inspiration for a new painting. During this quiet contemplation, Jocelyn found her mind drifting to the problems at hand.

How would Clary react when she got her memory back? Although she wasn't sure when her daughter's memory would return, Clary was undoubtedly stubborn and eventually, without help from anyone, the block would shatter. It was the wonder that the Clave thought they could control the war by simply erasing the most important player.

Jocelyn hated to admit it, but her daughter was the only thing that could stop Jonathan. He was out there and he would stop at nothing until Clary was his and the race of Shadowhunters was created anew. _Valentine, _Jocelyn thought. The crazy bastard started it all. If only she had killed him when they were together, when he trusted her. She could have prevented all this!

"No Jocelyn," she said to herself. "There was nothing you could do. Don't blame yourself."

In hopes of finding peace, she painted _him. _What she imagined her little boy to be like. White-blond hair, green eyes and freckles. Jonathan should have been her sweet little boy. She painted her sadness, her heartbreak, and her loss of her two children. Maybe they hadn't died, but they didn't trust her or they didn't think she loved them. Although she did admit, Jonathan did not feel right in her arms, she knew that if it weren't for Valentine, she would have loved him with all her heart.

While painting she grieved for her only daughter. After Clary had discovered the world of the Nephilim, the Clave desperately tried to keep her from destroying the very foundations from which they were built upon. She thought that the Clave would merely punish her, not take her away from everything and anything that she had found comfort in over the past two years.

Six months now. That was how long they had played this little game. Where Clary didn't know anything and Simon came over all the time. No one spoke of demons, wars, or magic. It was lonely in the small apartment. She got used to the people that came over and stayed all hours of the night, talking and laughing. It was quiet and entirely too peaceful.

From the living room, she could hear Clary and Simon playing some game on the Xbox. _BAM! BOOM! WINNER! _Then Clary's triumphant shout and Simon mourning his loss. A smile crossed her face that didn't quite reach her eyes.

_So much time is spent wishing for old times._

**Okay so I'm not entirely proud of this chapter, but I wanted to post something. Tell me what you think!**

**Review! Review! Review!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hi guys! **

**Before I begin my rant, please know that you are free to submit chapter ideas. I know how I want it to end, but the middle is up in thin air and I write it out how I feel it should be in the moment. I tried to plan it out, and that just didn't work out.**

**Okay just a few quick things before the chapter that I want to tell you about. **

**-First, I'm back at school now. *****dramatic sigh***** Updating will be a little more sporadic. I'm going to try to get at least one chapter up a week. **

**-Second, I don't know how long I'm going to make this story, it depends on when my ideas have run dry and all there is left to do is complete it. I'm thinking around 20 chapters. **

**-Thirdly, thanks to all my fabulous reviewers! You guys are so awesome and I thank you for taking the time to tell me what you think.**

**Phew… now that that's out of the way… the new chapter!**

Sitting on Clary's doorstep, Simon took in his surroundings. On a day before all of this madness, things would have felt more regular. He would meet Clary at his house, not on her doorstep. He would be frequently pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Simon would have also been wearing a frayed band tee and washed out jeans.

But that Simon no longer existed. Present-day Simon wore plain shirts, jackets and converse on Isabelle's request of course. She had said to make use to his hotness. Since he wasn't a crazy style fanatic, he preferred to go simple.

Simon hand went to his forehead, automatically brushing his mark. The mark that Clary gave him. _Clary. _He wondered how he had succumbed to lying and pretending about the life his best friend every day. He felt guilty and ashamed. How could someone think that this would make things better?

He hoped that Clary remembered. He really wanted to be able to ask her question about Isabelle so that he didn't screw up giving gifts and he wanted to see her happy with her life. This wasn't her life. This was like the Truman show. Everyone's always happy-go-lucky and all of them are lying to her face all the time.

_We're all just pawns._

**PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK**

Jace was slouched in his desk chair, listening to the history teacher recite the chapter they would be working on next. Why did Mundie history have to be so boring? He surveyed his new classroom, eyeing it as though it burn to the ground if that mean he never had to come back to this dreaded place.

Originally, the student coordinator had place him in a regulars class, which had offended him greatly. Perhaps it was because he looked like a jock? Needless to say, after the teacher saw how easily Jace was passing his class, he moved Jace to IB World History, where he was hoping to find more entertainment.

And boy did he find entertainment. As it turned out, Clary was in the class. _The Clave will probably have a fit over this. _Jace chuckled quietly to himself. It wasn't like they could just switch him out now. He had arrived early in hopes of finding a seat in the back, only to discover that the chairs where arranged in a semicircle, preventing anyone from going unnoticed.

After finally locating a seat near the middle of the semicircle, students began filing in. The teacher followed and then the bell rang signaling the beginning of class. This is where we last left off.

"Each of the students will be paired up with someone to work on your historical recounts of the Cold War," said the teacher, Mr. Harvey. The students began quickly picking up there belongings to find there friends when Mr. Harvey raised his hand, signaling them to stop their movement. "I have assigned pairs." At this, everyone groaned, mostly because having to work with other people could sometimes simply be dreadful.

"When I call your name and your partner's name, please come up to my desk to get the rubric. You may then feel free to go wherever you would like to work for the rest of the period. I will be expecting the first draft in two days!"

"First pair, Jaylnn and Robert…"

Jace zoned out, wondering how he had ever gotten stuck coming to this stupid Mundie school! He was the best Shadowhunter of his age and yet here was being controlled by some pot-bellied, middle-aged man with barely any hair simply because the Clave wanted to control everything. _Twisted bastards. _

"Finally, Jace and Clary. Please come up to my desk for your materials."

_Oh no. Please God no. _This couldn't be happening. This was going to screw up everything. The Clave was going to be furious. _Damn. _Slowly, he rose from his chair ad cautiously made his way other to the teacher's desk meeting Clary in the middle. She looked up at him as though he were a puzzle that needed solving. Together, they approached the Mr. Harvey's desk.

"Here is your rubric and two textbooks. Would you like a pass for the library?" asked Mr. Harvey.

Before Jace could even answer, Clary replied, "Yes, please. It can get very loud in here." Loud was an understatement. The students were chatting loudly and it seemed as though none of them were going to leave the classroom. He walked towards his desk gathered his things and waited for Clary by the door.

When she approached him, taking a deep breath she said, "Hi, Jace. I was thinking that maybe we should see how much we could get done today at the library. If we don't finish the first draft, maybe you could come over to my apartment today and we can work on it some more together, okay?"

He almost died on the spot.

**Cliff hanger! Woot! Woot! Okay so this was an okay chapter, not my best work but I wanted to get something up for you guys. Chapter 6 should be up by Thursday or Friday. **

**Review! Review! Review!**


	7. Author Note

**Hi guys! I'm so sorry. I know. I'm a terrible human being. **

**I've just been crazy busy lately. My trimester just started and my teachers find it appropriate to attack me with tests…(dying a slow and painful deaf)**

**I am trying to write the next chapter! It's going to be the longest one yet! Be prepared. Stuff is gonna be revealed. Big stuff.**

**It should be up sometime next week but for now, other exciting news.**

**Did anyone see Divergent? **

**Who thinks Theo James is the sexiest person to ever walk the planet? Thoughts? **

**Tell me what all of y'all are thinking.**

**Comment.**

**Thanks everyone!**


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